


Rhy'a's Adventures in the Old Republic

by erunamiryene



Category: Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-24
Updated: 2012-04-23
Packaged: 2017-11-04 05:33:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/390317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erunamiryene/pseuds/erunamiryene
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Any "adventure" that starts with a crash landing is bound to be exciting. A character journal chronicling the adventures seen in "Knights of the Old Republic".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Taris

[1]  
So, here we are on Taris. Standard backwater, grinding poverty underneath riches, the usual. This guy named Carth is here with me, and we have to look for this Bastila chick. It appears the planning is left up to me. Time to run around aimlessly and hope genius strikes.

[2]  
Seriously, who authorized those Sith uniforms? Metallic and black? The defense is shoddy, and they look like castoffs from a terrible Coruscanti drama. I figured Malak would have better taste.

[3]  
Carth certainly does have a  _lot_  of feelings, doesn't he? Every two seconds, he's sitting here exuding this "I don't want you to talk to me but actually I kind of do" aura, and he looks like such a mad mean puppy that I have to talk to him. He's nice enough, I suppose, and he's been useful so far. Maybe under that faux-gruff exterior, he's actually fun.

[4]  
Mission is ... incredibly chipper. And very young. And very prickly if you insinuate she might need help. She reminds me of someone, though I can't place who. Her Wookiee, Zaalbar, is the standard Silent Wookiee type. I got a lifedebt out of it; not really sure what to make of  _that_  yet.

[5]  
Let's see. Took out a gang. Am a racing champion. Rescued possibly the most uptight Jedi ever (and that's saying something, from what I've heard). I like mentioning how I rescued her, because it flusters her so much. Carth even got in digs about how she lost her lightsaber; I didn't know he had it in him. He was so pleased with himself; it was pretty adorable.

[6]  
On the Ebon Hawk, the ship that that Mandalorian, Canderous Ordo, hooked up with us to steal. Can I just say that Canderous's ass looks  _damn_  good in those pants of his? And there's the way he struts around with his blaster, too. I ruined four spikes trying to hack the security system because I kept thinking about what we could do with those straps of his. Heh, I wonder ... if I bat my eyelashes, would Carth join in? I'll tell you what,  _that_  Mandalorian can assault  _my_  Republic anytime he wants.


	2. Dantooine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dantooine is nothing but scattered buildings and grass. And kath hounds. Lots of kath hounds.

[1]  
So, this great Council calls me in simply to talk  _around_  me, and then send me away. Fantastic. I also take it back - Bastila isn't the most obnoxious Jedi ever, because that title _clearly_  goes to Vrook, that condescending jackass.

[2]  
They're training me as a Jedi, although I don't understand all the hand-wringing about how "difficult" these tasks are; they're cake. But ... never mind that, I'm trying to act how they say. "There is no emotion; there is peace." But ... why? Emotion is a natural part of existence. It seems that to cut it off is to cut off part of yourself. Something about that is nagging at my mind.

[3]  
I was selected to be a Guardian, and have a blue saber (which handily doubles as a light should I need to see in the dark). I've been tasked with clearing some mysterious "taint" from the grove near here. I'm also trying to help a few of the settlers. It's my duty, right? I mean, they can't help  _themselves_.

But ... Canderous has said a few things that have made me wonder. Is helping the weak merely prolonging a terrible existence? I mean, obviously, children don't factor into this, but ... like the man who couldn't protect his daughter from the Mandalorian raiders. If I help them now, then they'll grow to rely on that help, and will simply run into problems later.

That doesn't really seem right, either, though. Wasn't that the problem with the Jedi's lack of involvement in the Mandalore Wars? People needed help, and they didn't help them. But did the help given leave them in the lurch after? Would it simply serve to weaken them further?

All this goes against the teachings I'm attempting to live by, though. Mentioning _that_  fact got me an eyeroll from Canderous, but he rolls his eyes at everyone, so whatever. It's okay, I'll get him back when we play pazaak tonight.

[4]  
The "taint" turned out to be a Cathar padawan named Juhani. I talked her into going back to the Council. It's ... pretty easy for me to convince people to see things my way. It's come in handy more than once, that's for sure. It also comes, usually, with Carth or Bastila's disapproval, but I really think Bastila just disapproves of me in general, so no change there.

Sadly, this persuasive ability hasn't worked on getting either Carth or Canderous into my bunk, haha. But I'm not _really_  trying. Yet.

Something about the Cathar is pinging a memory I can't quite recall. It's like ... when I try to focus on it, it skitters away. But I know I've never met her before, so ... what can it be?

[5]  
Canderous is  _sixty_? Damn, he's looking  _good_  for sixty.

[6]  
Carth thinks I'm "infuriating" and won't talk to me, but the Mandalorian tells me war stories, so this long slog around the fields hasn't been a total loss. How many damn kath hounds can there  _be_  in one area?

[7]  
We found that lady's droid today. That woman is  _nuts_. Dispatched the droid; told the woman the droid is still alive. The fool ran out into the plains, which prompted Carth to call me cruel. I didn't know she was going to take off after the hunk of junk, but seriously, if the fact kath hounds could  _eat you_  is not enough to dissuade you, then I think I did the galaxy a favor. Maybe you can't save people from their own idiocy.

... While we were out there, I ... I summoned lightning. I don't know how, or where it came from. It just  _happened_. This is supposed to be a dark side power. Should I mention it to the Council? No, I better not; Vrook would have me executed before I could finish my sentence.

[8]  
Oh gods, kinrath eggs  _smell_. But I got crystals! And the lightning is proving most helpful. Carth just glares at me when I use it, but I don't hear him complaining when the kinrath drop like a sack of rocks.

[9]  
Came upon a Mandalorian and his Duros thugs. They killed a man, and then were going to take his family. I was happy to swing my lightsaber at his head; I smiled as I loosed a bolt of electricity at him. And I rejoiced as they fell.

I know this is wrong. But what do I do, grieve for the murdering scum? Jedi are supposed to be a force for justice! Yet so many of their teachings hamper the ability to serve that justice. Is the Light inherently weak?

No, I don't think that's it. But it seems to lack the drive to accomplish its goals. How do I defend the helpless if they take away my tools to do so? How do I form a connection with those I serve if I'm supposed to lock away part of myself, eliminating my ability to form a connection with them?

[10]  
Saw Juhani when we came back to the enclave; the Council has welcomed her back. Apparently everything she did was a test from her master. That seems really emotionally manipulative to me. Both Carth and Canderous really seemed to disapprove.

I'm a padawan! Now to try to live up to what I've been taught. Maybe Bastila and I will get along better. I do think Revan did the right thing, though, stepping into the Mandalorian Wars. The Council wasn't very happy when I said that, but ... to not say it would have been dishonest, right?

[11]  
Tried to get two thousand credits out of Matale when we went over there. Failed, but hey, nothing ventured nothing gained, right? Got the two lovebirds together, and united the fathers in their annoyance at me. All around, a successful outing. Now to go find the ruins.

[12]  
Something about these ruins is  _so_  familiar. Maybe it's just because of the dream. Vision. Whatever. It looks like Bastila and Canderous are done with lunch, so ... more later.

[13]  
I was ... hesitant to enter the ruins at first. What would I find? Had Revan and Malak left traps?

After Bastila proved - again - that she's a total know-it-all, we spoke with the Overseer, an ancient droid; it told us of the Builders, and the Star Forge, and Revan and Malak's visit. We passed the tests, although let me tell you, those guardian droids were no joke. I'm glad I'd practiced the healing arts before coming out here, because that really saved our skins a couple of times.

Bastila postulated that this was where Revan began her turn to the dark side. I think it's ridiculous to ascribe such ... abilities to a map. Yet despite the fact that she thinks it led to the dark side, she wants to follow Revan's trail and find the others? Interesting logic there. We told the Council, and the Council also wants us to chase these things down. As the choice of the first stop is left to me, I think we'll go to ... Kashyyyk. I'm trying to let the Force guide me, and this is the location that came to mind first. I can't explain why; it just seems the best place to start. We depart tomorrow.

[14]  
On the Ebon Hawk. Right as I walked into the cockpit, Carth decided to jump all over me (and not in a fun way). Apparently he feels I'm purposely leaving him out, in order to make my future betrayal that much easier, or something. Whatever. It's really fun to just ... poke at him, because he gets really flustered. I think there might actually be a personality there under all that angry mistrust. Beat Mission at pazaak, but Canderous took a hundred credits off me tonight, the punk. Tried talking with Zaalbar, but he was having none of it. Perhaps being able to see his homeworld again will make him feel better?


	3. Kashyyyk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slavers, wookiees, and forests, oh my!

[1]  
Fucking Czerka. Man, I hate those guys. They come onto a planet, rename it, start a slaving business, and don't even bother to learn the native language. Where is the Republic in all this?

Ah well, I used Zaalbar to intimidate one of their flunkies today; look, if you're too lazy to learn rudimentary Shryiwook, then you deserve to be terrified. Zaalbar wasn't too happy about me ... stretching the truth about what he was saying, but the Czerka guy wet himself. Good times were had by all. Or, at least, good times were had by me.

[2]  
Kashyyyk is very pretty; I love the treetop villages and the sounds of the forest. I think Chuundar's an ass, and I hate how he treats Zaalbar, and I don't understand how his tribe is fine with him working with slavers. I plan on taking care of  _that_ particular problem before we leave here.

[3]  
Calo Nord tracked us to Kashyyyk, and promptly went down like a punk, just like those lackeys of Malak that found us as we headed for the village. And here I used to think Nord was some kind of bigshot.

The Shadowlands ... aren't what I expected. It's humbling to be such a small creature among such massive trees. I can understand why someone would have hidden a star map here. These little monkey things, though ... they are so obnoxious! Can't they be quiet for five minutes?

[4]  
Met a man named Jolee Bindo. He's been living down here. Alone. Crazy! He's not  _quite_  as preachy as other Jedi I've met, but ... I don't know, maybe it's something about the Light that makes people become totally patronizing. He's requested our assistance (big surprise), but that assistance is going to harass Czerka, so I'm totally up for it. He says he wants them dealt with without violence but ... I won't be sorry if it comes to a fight. I can't believe the Republic lets slavery go on. It  _has_  to know.

Juhani and I talked about her world, and the Mandalorian invasion, and the plight of non-human species in the Republic. You'd think, being that they supposedly stand for right and justice, the Republic and the Jedi would do something about that.

[5]  
Had to kill off the Czerka guys, oh no I'm so sad about that, really. Jolee wasn't too happy, and I was totally expecting a lecture, but all he said was that I have to live with what I do.

And that makes me wonder. What  _am_  I willing to do? Where do I draw my lines? I have no problem tearing down those that are wrong, but ... who decides right and wrong? I mean, obviously, slavery is wrong. It flies in the face of everything the Republic is supposed to stand for - as long as you overlook its bloated governance and its seeming inability to get anything done in a timely manner. But the _principles_  on which it was founded; they clearly state that this kind of thing shouldn't happen. So, is murder, in the name of justice, right? Or is murder always wrong, no matter the circumstance?

"A good teacher doesn't mash a book in a student's face shouting 'learn this bit here!'." I like how Jolee thinks. He ought to give that Council on Dantooine lessons.

[6]  
Something Bastila said earlier links back to my previous entry: "No one deserves execution." So, the Jedi would ... politely ask Malak to please stop slaughtering people? If they had him, what would they do? I suppose they could lock him in a room with Vrook and he could lecture Malak to death, haha.

A lot of their doctrine ... I don't know, it seems like they're just running from how life is. It isn't something you can learn in books. It isn't something that will make sense from studying holodisks. And now I learn from Bastila that the Order takes children, and cuts them off from their families, and then preaches a life of no emotion! What kind of life is that, and how does severing a child from their sense of security make them a better Jedi? Who came up with this? You're not allowed "emotional entanglement". You're not allowed to love - or if you  _do_  love, you get told to tamp it down and hope that spark goes away. I suppose I'm not supposed to lust after Canderous (... and Carth, to an extent) either, right? Well forget  _that_ , no way am I passing that up if the opportunity arises. ("Opportunity  _arises_ ", ha. That's great. I'm hilarious.)

I suppose all these doubts are the dark side, working at my mind. At least, that's what they'd tell me.

[7]  
We found the star map, which is the good news.

When we found it, the hologrammatic interface "recognized" me, but said that I needed "behavioral reconstruction", whatever _that_  is. What is it talking about? How could it recognize me, when I've never been here before?

It said the installer of the interface did so 5 years ago, in order to more easily access information that apparently pre-dates the Republic. Five years ago was ... about when Revan came through here. Could they be linked? We're taught that there are no coincidences, only the Force, so ... I can see how those might be related, but how would the installer then know me? That's the part that's really confusing me.

The installer made me take a behavior  _quiz_. That's right, we're in the Shadowlands and I'm getting quizzed about myself by a hologram. I bombed that quiz, by the way. And then we got attacked by droids. I figured that was it, but then the hologram came back on and said that my behavior in combat passed the test! I asked what it meant, and it refused to clarify. Great. Glad that could get cleared up. But we got the star map, so hey, win-win all around. According to Jolee, it's an "ancient artifact of dark side power," but since the Council didn't know anything about the Star Forge or the maps, I'm thinking that the Jedi just assume everything they don't know about is the dark side. I mean, come on, it's a  _map_. Give me a break.

[8]  
We met and are helping Freyyr, Zaalbar's father. Of course, _he_  needs something, too, because apparently this whole galaxy is full of people who can't do things for themselves. But we've taken out a whole patrol of Mandalorians, and killed the biggest beast I've ever seen in my life, aside from rancors. We're on our way back to Freyyr, and I'm going to read this datapad I found in the thing's stomach.

[9]  
The datapad belonged to a Jedi named Guun Han. It appears we killed a terentatek, the Jedi-hunting beast the Twi'lek warned me about back on Dantooine. This Han guy sounds like a real ass, leaving his other two teammates on Korriban and thinking he could kill this one alone. Guess that worked out really well for you, buddy, seeing as how I retrieved your crap out of the terentatek's stomach, right? I wonder if the other two fared better.

[10]  
Back on the Hawk. We got attacked trying to get topside, which doesn't really surprise me. We stood with Freyyr against Chuundar and his slaver buddies, and ... now the Wookiees have to sort out their own business.

As we were walking back to the ship, Bastila said something very interesting: "What greater victory, than to turn your enemy to your cause?" It's pretty strategically sound, for the most part. Your new ally will know all of your enemy's strengths and weaknesses. Their devotion to your cause - if it is something ideological - will likely be strong. For a time. But such easy loyalty bears close watching, because such shifting anchors are not reliable. Will it last? Are they planning to betray you? Is it genuine? I suppose it would depend on the manner of how they were turned. If by force, it won't be as solid as it would be if you talked them around to seeing things your way, and then they made the conscious decision to follow you. It's all in how you make the play.

She also commended me for my devotion to the Light, and I didn't say anything then, but ... she does not truly see my heart - or does not truly follow all the Order's teachings - if she thinks that is the case. She doesn't see the the way I use my feelings for certain people - slavers, for instance - to bring more power to bear against them. She doesn't see the thrill I get from outmaneuvering an enemy, exploiting a tactical advantage on my part or a weakness on theirs.

But perhaps these are not of the dark side? Well, other than the emotion bit, but I'm really starting to think the Order is misguided on _that_  particular point. I shall have to think on it.

Carth apologized for being an ass, and he made me laugh. I like that in a man. And I like his personality more the more I see it. But he told me about how his mentor bombed his planet, and killed his wife and son. I sort of feel like a jerk for giving him so much crap lately. I'll have to dial it down, at least for awhile.

Canderous told me more of the Republic's fight against the Mandalorians. He has such disdain for the Republic, but so much admiration for Revan. It's interesting. His points on combat and warfare are something I'll have to consider further. I told him about the hologrammatic interface's questions regarding combat and leadership; he seemed to approve of how I'd answered them. One asked me what I would do if I knew that the enemy force was going to attack a city in five days, but I  _also_  knew that I could exploit a weakness in the force and turn the entire tide of war in ten days. I had to think about it, but ... the needs of the many are greater than the needs of the few, and if I were to fortify the planet, it would tip off the enemy. Waiting the ten days means that that city is sacrificed, but the war ends sooner, and with less bloodshed. In war, sacrifice must be made. It isn't a desirable state of things, but it is how things are.

The second presented a hypothetical situation, in which I am a leader of a people that have grown complacent and not mindful of why they need a strong leader. I learn of a single attack on a city. Should I cut it off early and appear to be a hero, or let them attack? I chose to let them attack, because to stop the attack will simply continue the cycle of complacency. I would eventually be ousted as a leader, and they would put a less effective one in my place. Allowing one attack will remind them of the strength a leader needs to have.

I answered those questions instinctively, but now that I've had time to think about it, I can't help but second-guess myself. I wonder if I'd be doing so if I didn't have the teachings of the Jedi, because those are what I'm running up against.

Zaalbar is continuing to travel with us; I was surprised, because I thought he'd remain behind on Kashyyyk to help his tribe rebuild. He says he feels that this is his place for now, and perhaps traveling with us will give him skills for when he is the chieftain. I feel it's my duty to present an example of what a leader can be, since I'm apparently the nominal head of this circus.

Juhani cornered me and yelled at me for the destruction of Taris. I can't really blame her, although I feel her anger is misplaced. She seemed to feel better after her angry outburst, and that's good. It's better to have these things in the open, rather than festering in the shadows, or locked away.

Bastila got all snappish tonight. It's really, really easy to yank her chain. And it's really, really fun to do so. I know, I know, that's just _terrible_ , but it's true.

We're on the way to Tatooine, and I really have to win our pazaak game tonight, because I'm extraordinarily tired of having to listen to Canderous gloat. I swear he cheats.


	4. Tatooine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sand, sand, and more sand. Did I mention sand? There's sand here.

[1]   
Canderous gave me quite the recitation of Revan's victory over the Mandalorians. I always feel like I should go buy him a Corellian ale (or ten, heh) after these stories. He always asks me if there's something else I want to know; I keep wanting to answer with a crack like, "yeah, how your clothes look on my floor," but I'm pretty sure he'd either dropkick me out a window or laugh at me. I'm not _entirely_  sure which one would be worse.   
  
Bastila wants to be friends. She sounds like she's chafing under the Order's strictures as much as I am. Perhaps we have more in common than I thought.   
  
[2]   
I got some kind of trophy for half what the seller wanted about ten steps into Anchorage. I may possibly have used a little persuasion through the Force. Bastila complained. Canderous gave me a high five. I half expect those two to get into a fistfight one of these days.   
  
Also, Bastila's mother is here. We're going to speak with her, I think. If we don't, Bastila will probably regret it, although I think she's going to regret talking with her, after everything she's told me about the woman.   
  
And apparently Carth gossips, because Canderous had a grand old time giving Bastila grief over getting captured by thugs. Ha! I tried not to laugh, but I kind of failed.   
  
[3]    
I now own the most  _peculiar_  droid, HK-47. It has a sense of humor. It wants to kill things. It refers to people as "meatbags". There's, like, no down side! I mean, Bastila's going to  _love_  this addition to our party, haha. Its memory core is locked, pending "certain stimuli", although neither HK-47 nor I know what that stimuli could be. I at least was able to unlock some of its other functions and abilities; good thing I've always been handy with a spanner.   
  
[4]   
Talked to Bastila's mother, Helena. What an  _utterly_  charming woman, no really. (That's a total lie.) You can tell all she wants to do is manipulate Bastila, who, thankfully, was having none of it. We're going to search for her father's holocron while we're out looking for the star map, although I don't know if it's going to give Bastila all the answers she wants.   
  
[5]   
As we left Anchorhead, we were accosted by a woman named Marlena, who apparently thinks that I'm one of many women who've slept with her husband. A short distance away, we found said husband, surrounded by droids intent on killing him. He was a jackass. Even  _Bastila_  said to leave him, and then to go congratulate his wife on her ingenuity, so that should tell you something about the guy. HK, of course, said we should "blast the meatbag," as usual. Seriously, that "meatbag" thing cracks me up.   
  
We left him there; he tried to kill us with the droids' explosion. Failed. Not surprising.   
  
[6]   
I could not  _stand_  living in all this sand. There's nothing for miles! Well, besides angry Sand People, who attack us every five minutes.   
  
[7]   
We killed our first four wraids today - great lumbering beasts with a bony plate protecting their heads. The plate sells for quite the amount of credits back in Anchorhead, I'm told.   
  
I have to put on one of these gross Sand People robes so we can get into their enclave. This is going to be  _so_  nasty.    
  
[8]   
Bastila helped me with my headwrap, and then I helped her with hers. We strolled into the enclave, where things went downhill pretty fast. One of them tried to communicate, and I guess I could have asked HK to tell them we weren't a threat, but after traipsing around the desert for days and being attacked time after time, I'd kind of had it. We wiped them out, and even rescued some Jawas, because I'm a nice girl like that.   
  
[9]   
On our way back, we found this Twi'lek hunter outside a huge cave. He wanted my help killing the krayt dragon inside. I personally don't really think he was planning on sharing the spoils with me - he simply wanted to use me for all the grunt work and then take everything for himself, so I double-crossed him first. No one's getting the jump on me. We got the star map and found Bastila's father's holocron. She isn't sure she's going to give it to her mother. I don't think she should, myself.   
  
[10]   
Bastila kept the holocron. Her mother tried to pull some passive-aggressive nonsense, and Bastila just walked away. Good on her.   
  
On the way back through town, we were approached by a Twi'lek named Senni Vek, who gave me a datapad with a contact on it, once we get to Manaan. I admit, I'm intrigued, although it may be trouble.   
  
Ah, who am I kidding? I love trouble. Mostly because I tend to kick its ass.   
  
[11]   
Dropped off the Sand People's gaffi sticks for a tidy sum. I hate helping Czerka, so I fiddled with the woman's mind so she gave me a bigger reward. Not going to bring them down, but every little bit helps.   
  
[12]   
We're on our way to Manaan. Carth came to our pazaak game last night; so did Jolee, though he had to promise not to use the Force to cheat, haha. Canderous still won, though Carth gave him a run for his money there at the end.


	5. Manaan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From sand to water. Can't we find some middle ground somewhere?

[1]   
Manaan is very blue. Very peaceful. Ahto City is the only part of the planet that isn't underwater.   
  
Bastila seems unable to grasp the idea that the star maps are very, very old and clearly pre-date the Republic. Every place we've gone so far, it's been "but oh my gosh the planet isn't like that  _now_ ". I mean, you did  _hear_  the droid that told us he predated the Republic by something like five thousand years, right? A planet can change a lot in five thousand years, and we don't know  _anything_  about what it was like prior to  _that_ .   
  
Sorry, that's just grating on my nerves.   
  
Carth hasn't thought much about what he'll do after he kills Karath. I mean, it's important to him, and that bastard tried to kill  _me_ , too, so obviously he's going down. I'm just surprised that I didn't have to suggest it to Carth. And  _not_  surprised that Bastila doesn't like the idea, despite the fact he tried to kill her, too.   
  
[2]   
The Selkath are playing both sides, since Manaan is the only source of kolto in the galaxy, and with a war going on, we obviously need the healing properties of said kolto more than ever. They maintain strict neutrality - they say - and we're not even allowed to swing at idiots who try to start fights.    
  
This neutrality will come back to bite them in the end. It's weakness. Being scared to choose a side cripples you.   
  
Canderous ran into someone named Jagi, a man he served with before. Jagi is ... not a happy person. And rather dramatic. "I'll be waiting for youuuuu, in the Duuuuuuuune Seas of Tatoooooine," blah blah blah. Once we're done here, we're going to kick his ass.   
  
Finally got rid of gizka, that hopping menace that's been on the Hawk since Tatooine. Bastila yelled at me again for using the Force to persuade the guy he wanted my gizka, but seriously, if you're so weak-minded that that works on you, that's not my fault. You can't expect to get ahead sitting at the bottom of the metaphorical food chain.   
  
[3]   
While Carth and Juhani were shooting the breeze with some of the Republic soldiers here, I spoke with Hulas, a Rodian who told me about the Genoharadan (a guild of bounty hunters). I've been given a couple of assignments, and I may go for it. After all, that'd look pretty good on a resume: "I'm part of a secret guild of bounty hunters that I can't talk about. Nope, don't have references, but hey, give me a mark and I'll take care of that for you." Besides, the skills and weapons I could pick up there could be quite useful; you should never pass up an opportunity to expand your knowledge.   
  
[4]   
I am so. kriffing.  _lost_ . Everything looks the same. All the hallways look the same. I always end up back at the swoop track, when all I really want to do is get to the damn Republic enclave. Ugh.   
  
[5]   
Haha, I got a Sith soldier arrested! I picked a fight with  _her_ , and the Selkath arrested her after I "suggested" that she started it. Man, I love "persuasion".   
  
Carth said he was going to put me over his knee and spank me, which was incredibly interesting ... right up until he backed away from  _that_  so fast that he practically fell over. I knew I'd caught him watching me, but good grief, just say what you want to say. Don't trip all over yourself making concessions and backing away after you've made it very non-verbally obvious that you're thinking dirty things. He was  _so_  appealing there for a minute, too.    
  
[6]   
I had to be an arbiter for Jolee's friend's trial. I mean, he committed the murder. But he was being used by the Republic, and she was being used by the Sith. And there were so many other factors. The Selkath judges found him guilty, but in light of the interference by both governments, they gave him life in prison instead of the death penalty.   
  
I ... don't know if I did the right thing. But second-guessing accomplishes nothing, and it hinders your ability to make decisions later.   
  
[7]   
We're heading to the ocean floor. The Republic embassy has asked me to check out what's going down on a secret station they built, apparently without the Selkath's knowledge, to collect kolto. It's breaking the treaty, but I guarantee that the Sith have broken the treaty as well. It's all about advantage.   
  
I can say this, though - I prefer sand to the crushing darkness of the ocean. I feel so hemmed in right now.   
  
[8]   
Surrounded by water, stuck in cramped and dark hallways, hearing the constant sound of dripping water ... I hate this. All I want is to find what I need and get  _out_  of here.   
  
[9]   
Got the star map. Saw the biggest firaxa shark  _ever_ . Killed two scientists, but they attacked me first and I'm not going to have them trailing along behind me when they already tried to kill me once. I'm not stupid.   
  
I could have just released a toxin to kill the shark, instead of fiddling with pressure tanks for twenty minutes, but ... we're going to need the kolto, and sometimes the reward isn't worth the risk. Sometimes things take time. This is a lesson that Malak clearly never learned, since all he's going to have left for him if he wins is a load of bombed out planets. He'll have to rebuild everything from scratch, which is going to weaken him. And his iron fisted approach is going to guarantee that he'll have a rebellion on his hands from the first minutes of his rule ... if he even gets that far, which I doubt. He has no sense of tactics. The only reason he's gotten this far is because 1, Revan did most of the strategic work up until Revan was betrayed by Malak and 2, because the Republic can't manage to find its ass with both hands and a map. It's not because of any innate talent on his part, which doesn't bode well for him. Brute force is a weapon to be used sparingly, not your first go-to. Make someone  _want_  to be on your side; they are less likely to turn on you that way.   
  
Speaking of Malak, his new - and now former - apprentice, Darth Bandon found us down on the station. (Darth  _Bandon_ , really? Bandon? That was the best name they could come up with?) What a goober, far too easily put down. I would have expected better from a Dark Lord of the Sith, really. He did have nice armor, though, which I swiped.   
  
[10]   
Had to talk to the Selkath judges about the explosions at the station. They apparently knew about the Republic's efforts down there ... or, at least, some of them did. This led to quite the discussion between them, with me being shooed out of the room so they could fight among themselves.   
  
[11]   
We're done with this planet; Korriban awaits.


	6. Momentous Events - A Recap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catching up after unexpected events.

[1]   
Talked with Juhani some more. "Cathar" ...  _why_  is that name resonating in my mind? I'd never heard of it til Juhani mentioned it!   
  
[2]   
I-   
  
[3]   
I am ... not sure where to begin. My last entry ended abruptly because we were captured by the Leviathan, Saul Karath's ship. They caught us in their tractor beam and brought the Hawk aboard.   
  
Carth, Bastila, and I were captured; Carth's old mentor took great pleasure in torturing us before Malak's arrival.   
  
Canderous worked out this utterly insane plan where he basically gave himself a shot, then got hit with a grenade.  _Somehow_ , this managed to work, and they dumped him in the med bay. Once his healing stim kicked in, he came and busted us out. After quite the eventful run through the command deck - well, not really, we just cut down any Sith in our way - we confronted Karath. We killed him, but ...    
  
No, I'll mention that later. Anyway, so then we were all-out sprinting for the hangar bay when Malak intercepted us. And it was there that I learned the truth - about myself, about Bastila, about the vaunted Jedi Order, and about the smug little Council on Dantooine.   
  
Malak and I dueled, and just when I had him, Bastila stepped into the fight, so Carth and I could get to the Hawk. Once there, Carth demanded that I tell everyone what we discovered on board the Leviathan.   
  
Remember how Bastila said that there is no greater victory than to turn your enemy to your cause? Turns out she really knows what she's talking about:   
  
I am Revan. To be more precise, I am Darth Revan, Dark Lord of the Sith ... brainwashed by the Jedi Order, saved to become their puppet, bereft of my true self because they wiped my mind and implanted the personality  _they_  wanted! Bastila was complicit! She knew! She knew this  _entire time_ . Every one of those masters on Dantooine  _knew_  who I was, and participated in this elaborate ruse where I "learned the ways of the Jedi for the first time", and they were "so surprised" at my progress!   
  
Betrayed. I was betrayed by my apprentice - Malak, that hamfisted kath hound that wouldn't know war strategy if it hit him in his stupid prosthetic jaw. I was betrayed by someone I thought was a friend. Betrayed by the very Order that claims to support freedom and peace!   
  
Carth, of course - after saying he trusted me, and acting like we were friends - decided that I can't be trusted, and I'm a terrible person. He demanded I go around the damn cabin and ask everyone where they stand.   
  
Mission and Zaalbar were very intent on differentiating between "Revan then" and "Revan now".   
  
Jolee had known who I was all along, too! What did they do, send out some intergalactic memo that  _everyone_  but me received? But he didn't say anything then, and didn't seem to care, and certainly didn't have the fit that Carth did, so I can respect that.   
  
Juhani said that I'd changed, that I wasn't the Jedi who saved her (of course, the Jedi who saved her and started her on this whole hero worship thing was  _me_ ). What did she expect with that level of betrayal? And no childhood hero can survive first contact with reality. I'm sorry she feels that way, but there's nothing I can do about it.   
  
Canderous was practically gleeful. He got all offended when I asked if he could still serve alongside me, which was kind of funny. "How can you even ask me that?" Well, I was asking everyone  _else_ , and I didn't want you to be left out. He, at least, I know I can count on. He  _understands_ .   
  
Oh, and HK-47's memory core? Restored, because he's now been returned to his former owner - me. I built him. And apparently he calls us "meatbags" because Malak was stupid enough to ask the _assassin droid_  what he thought of him, and HK-47 promptly informed him of his "meatbag" status. Malak hated it, and that was  _hilarious_ , so I programmed HK to call all people "meatbags". This, I'm told, drove Malak to distraction, which is hysterical.   
  
Carth ... well ... Carth's lucky we need a pilot. He apparently thinks he can take me down if I become a "danger" to the Republic. I'll tell you who's a danger to the Republic - the Order, those manipulative, conniving assholes who drive people from their Order as fast as they get new padawans. Why did so many leave the Order to follow me? Because they see what a sham the Order is.   
  
[4]   
I ... remember Cathar.   
  
Some "loyal" Jedi, led by that windbag Vrook, came to confront me, Malak, and those who followed us - the "rogue Jedi", the Revanchists. We were on Cathar to find evidence of the Mandalorians' atrocities ten years earlier. The Order had refused to do anything, sitting on its hands while the Mandalorians obliterated entire species and planets - the Republic didn't care because it was the Outer Rim! They sat and let people  _die_  because of the spectre of Exar Kun! Because "oh no we can't get into another war!" Peace and freedom, what a load of nonsense.   
  
Anyway, so the idiots from the Order confronted us on Cathar. I found a discarded Mandalorian mask, picked it up ... and through the Force, every single Jedi present received a vision of what happened to the Mandalorian female who wore it, who died with the Cathar that Cassus Fett was intent on obliterating. She died with them, pleading with Fett to reconsider.   
  
Even after this vision, the Order couldn't commit! All they managed to do was say that I was right, that the Revanchists should fight the Mandalorians ... but they discouraged others from joining our ranks! It was no matter - Cathar proved a catalyst for many flocking to our cause, the  _true_  cause of right in the Republic.   
  
I can even remember what I said:   
_"They were beaten! You didn't have to do it! One of you knew, but you didn't listen! I don't know your name — but I take up your cause. I will not remove your mask until there is justice—until the Mandalorians have been defeated once and for all. So swears ... Revan!"_   
  
And we did. We destroyed them. We chased the remnants into Unknown Space after I killed Mandalore himself, and my most loyal general destroyed Malachor V, in a move that will stay with me forever, but was necessary to end the war.   
  
[5]   
It's interesting, the things that have come back. I remember Cathar, but don't remember anything else. Canderous is getting frustrated, thinking I should remember battles that I cannot recall yet. He has a good time harping on the fact that the Mandalorian finally beat the "great Revan" in something; I point out that I have the galaxy while he has my credits, which earns me a glare and then a hearty laugh.   
  
I remember I'm the one that whacked off Malak's jaw with my lightsaber. That, at least, shut down his whining for awhile. There's a reason you were the apprentice, Malak. Perhaps you should consider what those reasons were. You couldn't even face me in a fair fight. You ran away  _twice_  during your "second chance" to confront me. I  _will_  be the end of you.   
  
I know the star map is on Korriban. Korriban is also the location of the Sith Academy; I plan on spending much time in the library. If I'm to take down my traitorous former apprentice, being armed with weapons of both the light and the dark will serve me well.    
  
Carth refuses to play pazaak with us anymore. He sits in the cockpit and broods. Fine, man. Be that way. I will do what I must, with or without your help.


	7. Korriban

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previous home of the Sith, current home of the Sith Academy, arid desert. Why don't I ever visit anywhere nice?

[1]   
Well, we're here. Time to reclaim knowledge and plan my next move.    
  
[2]   
This little colony is called Dreshdae. It's ... tiny. And full of arrogant, cruel people. Does this academy have no standards?   
  
[3]   
These idiots. They think that to be Sith means to be mindlessly cruel, mindlessly barbaric. What is gained from killing three potential recruits who answer a question in a manner you deem incorrect?   
  
And for the record, their answer  _was_  correct. Haphazard slaughter isn't the answer. Killing every officer you disagree with will decimate the ranks, leaving only the most base, the most duplicitous, and the most incompetent behind. And these leavings are supposed to "lead"?   
  
All of this backstabbing and infighting - this will be the end of this Order. This was my problem with the Sith we saw on Dromond Kass. You can't focus on the bigger mission when you're too concerned about double-crossing in every corner. The ancient Sith lords attained their longevity by pitting all of the lesser Sith against each other, but even that isn't acceptable, because then their attention is focused on the power grab, not on what should be the ultimate goal.   
  
[4]   
The "leaders" of this academy are parodies of what they attempt to teach. Their recruits are nothing but hooligans, cruel little children plucking the wings off bugs.   
  
The next person who tells me I'm not a true Sith because I'm not a jackass to everyone is going to get a lightsaber blade up the nose.   
  
[5]   
Part of the final test for any "prospective Sith" is retracing ... well, _my_  steps to the star map. Why? For what purpose? Just because? What lesson does that teach?   
  
[6]   
I rounded the path to the Valley of Dark Lords as Korriban's sun was just starting to set. There are archaeologists out here, and massive tombs. I wonder if anything is left now that these scavengers have been here as long as they have. No doubt hopeful students have attempted to raid the tombs, in hopes of securing some of this elusive "prestige" that the headmaster requires you to procure. No sense of respect, no caring about tradition ... just mindless jackals, squabbling over who gets to kill who. It's ridiculous.   
  
When I re-take my place at the head of this army, I am ending this farce of an academy. I cannot allow this to stand.   
  
[7]   
Carth made a separate camp away from me and Canderous. I think he's torn between thinking something out here's going to eat him, and thinking I'm going to cut off his head and punt it off the cliff.    
  
Canderous and I were talking after we made our camp - about the total lack of discipline, about the direction all this has taken. It hasn't even been that long since the Jedi captured me, which means I either didn't have enough emphasis on discipline, or Malak has been working to undermine me the entire time. Really, the second seems far more likely.   
  
I guess someone took those Sith teachings to heart more than I did. I saw what they gave us as a means of conquering the Republic to save it. The Sith society is ... it's not fit for leadership. It's fit only for conquest, but will see those conquests slip through its fingers as you cannot keep conquests through brute force alone. It's all backstabbing and double-crossing and having to constantly be on your guard against your  _allies_ , leaving you vulnerable to your enemy.   
  
Malak, apparently, lost what vestiges of decency remained. The irony is that it was  _he_  who said we shouldn't open the chamber on Dantooine, that we would be expelled from the Order if we did. It was  _he_  who counseled patience, who wanted to investigate all sides of it before we started. He was my closest friend, my one trusted ally ... and he's been the one to betray me the most, to completely ignore what I tried to teach him. He prefers instead to run roughshod over everything like a spooked bantha.   
  
I understand that when you first begin to expand your abilities, you want to see how far you can push yourself. I imagined an endless fleet of warships rolling across the Republic, casting all in my shadow. But I managed to see past that, because that cannot be your only goal. Malak hasn't managed to get past that. There's a reason he was the second.   
  
And now, I not only have to fight off the Republic, who are too stupid to see and understand that I'm trying to save it ... I have to fight off Malak and  _my_  forces, because  _those_  people are too stupid to recognize who I am!   
  
I do wonder if Malak has kept Operation Turncoat. Some of those turned Jedi proved most helpful. Of course, knowing him, he's perverted its entire purpose into nothing but a torture machine.   
  
I remember one agent ... what was his name? Atton, he said it was. Now  _he_  was good at what he did. I would have eventually had him trained; he was Force sensitive, although I don't think he knew it. He deserted before I got the chance, though. Maybe I should have had him found, but I had bigger things to worry about at the time.   
  
Anyway, it's late, and tomorrow we're exploring the tombs.   
  
[8]   
First was the tomb of Marka Ragnos; Exar Kun was crowned Dark Lord by Ragnos' spirit. He was one of the leaders of the first Sith Empire, born over two thousand years ago. Kun had already been here, so I wasn't expecting much.   
  
Fought off a battalion of droids bellowing about "protecting the master", which kind of confused me since they were clearly new droids. On the way out, however, I found a datapad detailing how the droids were activated by sound that had gotten loose. No matter; they're toast.   
  
And Marka Ragnos' gauntlets were still in the tomb, so definitely not a total loss.   
  
[9]   
Next was Tulak Hord's tomb. A master of lightsaber combat, he ruled during the early Sith Empire. We had our first run in with tuk'ata here.   
  
I tripped a gas mine, and we were captured by the former headmaster. He had already captured Mekel, the sadistic asshole from the front gates. I didn't kill Mekel, although I should have. No matter; he'll still be here when I come back to raze this place, and then he'll be taken care of.   
  
[10]   
Last was the tomb of Ajunta Pall. He led the Dark Jedi, cast out by the Order and exiled from the Republic after the Hundred Year Darkness. These Dark Jedi found the Sith race, and adopted many of their teachings. (The Sith today are not part of the Sith race; they are simply following ideology.) Pall was the first Dark Lord of the Sith, as we recognize the Sith.   
  
Sitting in the tomb, Pall had had a change of heart, because he went on and on about their "weakness". He  _did_  allude to their "greatest power", which I believe was the star map.    
  
While I did agree with him on some of what he said about the Order, he was determined to fight me since I still adhere to some of its tenets. We fought, I defeated him, and now I have his sword, so I win.   
  
On the way out, that lazy idiot Shaardan tried to take the sword. If you're too cowardly to get it yourself, then you don't deserve to have it. I hope he enjoys his final resting place in the tomb.   
  
[11]   
Have now double-crossed both Uthar and Yuthura. It will be interesting to see what happens.   
  
And here, again, is the problem with this whole set-up: you cannot devote your energies to victory when your side is continually scheming against you. Why does  _no one_  understand this?   
  
I have my test tomorrow. That is secondary to getting the last piece of the star map, but I plan to begin my overhaul of the academy at that point.   
  
Canderous is irritated that I have to go alone, but I think that's just because he hates being left out of the action. Carth seems happiest to be away from me; I don't even know why he asked to come along this time. Probably to "keep an eye" on me. I'm starting to see that he will never comprehend where I'm coming from with all this.   
  
[12]   
Why was the map in the tomb of Naga Sadow? Who put it there?    
  
It showed me an unknown planet; we're making preparations to head there now.   
  
So, the test. I retrieved my "new" lightsaber (not as powerful as the two I'd built, big shock), then fought both Uthar and Yuthura. Uthar did say one thing that made sense:   
  
"Sometimes you must fight to achieve."   
  
Unfortunately, he then followed it up with a bunch of drivel about how striking down someone that trusts you and is close to you purely to do it is the way to go, and that kind of negated that bit of accidental wisdom that fell out of his mouth. There must be a larger goal served.   
  
The fools at the back door of the academy refused to acknowledge who I am, and attacked me. They thought they could defeat me even just thinking of me as the "student" who just defeated the headmaster and his second.    
  
I found a set of Massassi ceremonial armor and gave it to Canderous. I told him the history of the Massassi: they were the warrior caste of the Sith species - formidable and loyal. They lived for the glory of battle, much like the Mandalorians. I did mention, jokingly, that they were bred to blindly follow orders; Canderous' only reply was to remark that "every prototype can be improved on". The Dark Jedi thrown out of the Republic enslaved the Massassi; I'm surprised that they hadn't evolved enough to fight off the invaders, given their combat prowess.   
  
The academy is empty. Learn, or be tramped underfoot by those who can keep up.   
  
[13]   
So Carth ... apparently loves me? What? I thought he hated me.    
  
He sprang this on me out of nowhere, so I said that maybe I  _could_ love him. I mean, that's not technically a lie. Of course, he can't accept me as I am, so it's doomed. But my telling him "no, I couldn't ever love you" would result in a degradation of his til-now exemplary service to me, and I can't have that happen so close to our goal.


	8. Rakata Prime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally! A beach, blue ocean, grass, pretty trees.

[1]   
I had a vision of Malak torturing Bastila to turn her to the dark side. That idiot. He never did understand subtlety.   
  
Bastila was a prime candidate for Operation Turncoat. Already chafing under the Order's use of her Battle Meditation, hurt from the loss of her father, still bearing childhood scars from her interaction with her mother, feeling she was meant for better things - turning her would have been accomplished better with words, with nudging behind the scenes.    
  
But no, let's go ahead and just zap her with lightning; after all, torture always yields prime results. Oh, wait ....   
  
[2]   
The Star Forge. That's what we found. A massive space station and factory, powered by the dark side. Malak, of course, doesn't understand that it uses  _you_  as much as you use  _it_ , leaving you drained and vulnerable. It renders you at your most base, erodes what humanity remains. Then again, for Malak, making a strategic error in favor of brutality is nearly a continuous state of being, so nothing new there.   
  
We crashed, thanks to a disruptor field being generated by something on the planet. Carth's trying to fix the Hawk, but it'll take time. We're off to find the source of the disruptor field and shut it down.   
  
[3]   
Killed the leader of a violent Rakata tribe for the Rakatan priests in charge of the ancient temple. They helped me before when I was here. They believe I will destroy the Star Forge.   
  
They are wrong. For now.   
  
The ritual to unseal the temple is going to take quite some time. Jolee and Juhani insist on coming with me, although I have tried to talk them out of it. I have a feeling that this will not end well. But they are free to choose - to stay out of it when the time comes for me to make my decision, or to intervene and suffer the consequences.   
  
I think I know their choice already.   
  
[4]   
While I appreciate Bastila's ... hmm ... newfound  _enthusiasm_  for being my apprentice, she clearly has a lot to learn. That was not how I wanted that to go down. Juhani and Jolee could have been allies! Instead, Bastila starts yelling about rending their flesh, and the next thing you know, they're both dead on the temple summit.   
  
I didn't want them to come with me precisely because of this. Now they're gone, too weak to see past the Order's training, unwilling to have faith in me.   
  
I guess this means their loyalty only went so far. But like Jolee said, it's if I can live with myself. And ... if two deaths mean the Republic can stand more firmly against the menace from Unknown Space, so be it. Sacrifices must be made.   
  
Carth won't be happy.   
  
[5]   
In war, sacrifices must be made.   
  
Jolee, who told me stories and made me laugh, and challenged me to think for myself.   
Juhani, who said I was her inspiration, her reason for always wanting to be a Jedi.   
Mission, so naive and innocent, just wanting to find her brother.   
Zaalbar, forced to choose between his friend and a life debt, and in the end couldn't attack his friend.   
Carth, the man who loved me, and who chose to run away instead of stand against me.   
  
I harden my heart, and I do what must be done.    
  
But I don't have to like it.   
  
[6]   
Canderous came to find me, pazaak deck in hand. I passed on playing; he let me talk about the others, instead. On the island he'd said that perhaps he is done with his warring ways. Maybe that's why, instead of gruffly telling me to suck it up, he got beers and we drank toasts to our fallen.   
  
He's the only one to stay with me because he wants to do so. The droids are programmed to follow me. Bastila abandoned me for Malak and only came running back because I'm clearly more powerful.   
  
But Canderous ... he's been there from the beginning. He's listened to me rant, he's trained me in tactics, he's taken my credits, and he pledged to be by my side no matter what comes.   
  
It's probably good he left when he did, because I was trying to summon the inebriated courage to kiss him, and who knows what distractions  _that_  would have caused later. We are  _so close_ . I can't let anything get in the way now.


	9. The Star Forge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now we come to the final confrontation between master and apprentice, as must always happen.

[1]  
Bastila has gotten crafty; I'll have to keep an eye on her. She managed to snow both Admiral Dodonna and Master Vandar into thinking we're still on their side. She, at least, checks for my guidance before acting, something I cannot say my previous apprentice ever did.   
  
[2]  
We've landed on the Star Forge. This time, I'm severing far more than Malak's jaw.  
  
[3]  
A curious thing - I found my robes in a storage room, cleaned and neatly folded. It feels good to wear them again. I pocketed the mask, and will keep it with me, though I may not wear it again.  
  
[4]  
Malak threw everything the Forge had at us. And inevitably failed. He was a bigger fool than I thought. He thought I didn't  _know_  what the Star Forge did. He thought I didn't know how it worked. Only an imbecile wantonly uses technology without knowledge! I was simply unwilling to sacrifice  _everything_  to a machine that  _hungers_ . The dark side will never  _not_  hunger. It will feed until it consumes everything within you. But Malak was so shortsighted, so blind, so stupid, that he failed to understand the true lesson - master your passions. Not cut them off, as the Jedi Order so misguidedly teaches, but using them intelligently, wisely, as an augment to your skills, as a benefit to you. Yes, you gain more power when you do not limit what one can do with the Force. You do not then let that power control  _you_ . You don't become a mindless thug. You don't end up hellbent on crushing everything under your boot heel.  
  
I'm sitting in the command center. Malak's lightsaber is in my pocket. His body is within kicking distance, and has been kicked a couple of times. I think he deserves that.  
  
I remember him before. When we were friends. Allies. Comrades-in-arms. Lovers. I thought he  _listened_ . I thought he  _understood_ .   
  
But I see now that our stay on Dromond Kass poisoned his heart.   
  
I see that he was too blind to see that they are a far greater threat than the Jedi Order, harboring hundreds of years of anger and hate toward the Republic, because the Order was not content to leave them on Korriban; they slaughtered them and chased the remainder into Unknown Space, where they finally settled on Dromond Kass, rebuilding a society dedicated to the end of the Order, and the Republic.  
  
I see that he let their love of brutality corrupt him.  
  
And he turned into what he did: my first betrayer, swayed by delusions of grandeur and dreams of power, an ignorant wretch unable to see past the end of his lightsaber.  
  
It was  _so_  satisfying to cut him down.  
  
[5]  
Oh, Carth. You utter, utter fool. Why did you come back? Why did you make me kill you? You would have been a formidable ally ... but you clung to your silly ideals to the last.  
  
It was not as satisfying as I'd hoped, our ending.  
  
[6]  
I have razed the Republic fleet around Rakata Prime.  
  
I have surveyed my troops and implemented a plan to create a sizeable force.  
  
I have issued orders.  
  
Tomorrow, we begin preparing to cut a swath to the jaded, bloated heart of the Republic: Coruscant.


End file.
